Road Rage

I've become a horn-honker.

I know. It's awful. But very, very true.

I'm going to let you in on a secret. The thing they don't tell you about Texas is that it's not really part of the South. I mean, yes, if you look hard around here you'll find someone who will argue that with you. But honestly. They weren't members of the Confederacy, so they really don't count. Not only that but the people here...completely different from my definition of Southerners.

Southerners are nice. And considerate of others. Considerate of others in a lot of ways, but for the purposes of this post we'll limit the discussion to driving manners. Where I come from, people look out for others on the road. Some call it 'defensive driving'. Some call it being polite. Some people call it stupid and dangerous (but only those who weren't born there...TOM). But for better or for worse, that's what I'm used to. I'm used to an environment where you defer to others at a 4 way stop. Where you let people in front of you in traffic. A place where you can drive the speed limit and safely expect to remain unharrassed. A land where you slow down (or godforbid, Stop) when someone is backing out of a parking space.

It seems like a fairy tale world.

The rules are different here. In the non-South there is a different code of ethics. Here you look out for yourself first. You drive as fast as you want, however you want. In the non-South you can careen full speed through a parking lot, backer-outers be damned! It is perfectly acceptable wave your hand out the window while you zip past someone daring to drive the legal limit! Here people don't care how long you've been waiting to turn...so long as they don't get in front of them!

But the worst of it is the horn-honking. Where I come from, honking the horn is a rude thing to do. The only time you ever honk the horn is if you see someone you know and want to get their attention. The horn is not a weapon! It is an instrument of good will, not ill! But now I live on the other side of the country. The discourteous side. The side wherethe horn stretches it's vocabulary to also communicate when someone doesn't like the way you drive, the way you park, the way you slow down, the way you use your blinker, or the color of your car. They like their horns here in Texas. They like 'em mucho.

For a normal person this wouldn't be a big adjustment. But this is me. And if you've never ridden in the car with me I can tell you that I have bi-polar driving disorder. I alternately swing from extremely nervous and scared to scary raging harshness, complete with the red face and swearing...and oh buddy do I say bad, BAD words. It doesn't take much to swing me, but swing I do.

The timid and scared side of me hates the horn honking. It is frightening and alarming and RUDE and makes me feel like I'm about to get run off the road. I hear a horn honk and I want to pull over and wait for everyone else to pass me by so that I can drive unmolested. It totally freaks me out. I am already afraid to drive in congested areas, and at night, and next to tractor trailers, and when it rains, and the 3rd Thursday of every month...and the horn honking is just too much...it's over the top.

Now. The raging manical side of me kind of embraces it. It's a little bit fun. It's fun to tell people where they can go with the bleep of my horn. It's kind of nice to have the freedom to be impolite to idiots. When someone makes me mad...well that's it buddy. Instant gratification. No more fumming about the moron on the 114 all night long...I just toot my little horn and shake my fist and keep driving. What a release!

Tom keeps telling me that one of the fun things about living somewhere new is to find the things that are specific to that area and embrace them while you're there. So that one day you can look back and say, 'hey! I used to do that when I lived ___'. I'm hoping this is one of those things. That I'll be able to look back and say I used to do it.

I don't like it that I do it...but I do. I've become a double-standard horn-honker. It's okay for me to do it, but not anyone else. I'm totally ashamed of myself...and my momma and my sister would be embarassed to drive with me...but it's true. I'm a Texa-fied horn-honker.

Now. Get out of my way.